she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
