I wish I could teleport
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
