At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
be right there i have to get my cape
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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