He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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