You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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