in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
