the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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