when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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