I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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