nut hugger
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
