She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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