dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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