so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
