I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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