Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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