awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My feet surprised me
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