Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
