yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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