So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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