Me too!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
