if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
