I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
