I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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