I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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