yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
