Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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