ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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