he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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