There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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