My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
