The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
