I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i've created a new STD.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
