did you get engaged???
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
