It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
