Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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