You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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