Rock
Scissors
Fuck
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
