I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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