When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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