We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
