My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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