I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
