Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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