dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
