I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
