I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
