not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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