At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
