my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
