i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
