I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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