she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
