When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
