Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
