I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
