I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
