Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
