just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
