The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
