lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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