It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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