I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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