Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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