im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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