cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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