Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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