Duck Duck Cougar?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
