I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
