yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
